The bi-polar Bills shocked the national media and football world last Sunday in Foxboro as the New England Cheatriots ran into a Buffalo buzzsaw at Gillette field. The 16-0 shutout shut up the Patriots and their deflated fans, the first such whitewashing at the stadium since its inception.
Sure, Tommy Boy didn’t play — only because of his own douchebaggery – but the normally krafty Patsies, led by the witchkraft of Bill Bellicose, were uncommonly dull and often disorganized. Even the officials seemed to notice that the teams had completely switched roles, and rolls, and actually called a fair game. Penalty flags we knew were coming on arguable late hits just never appeared as if some magic trick made them disappear. They may as well have called it Penn Gillette Stadium.
Bills QB Tyrod Taylor was efficient if not darn right effective, carving up the Patriots starting defense with three first half, ten-plus minute drives in a well balanced attack. TMobile pierced NE’s front seven with rarely seen slants and well timed rollouts, something ex-OC Greg Roman flat out refused to do this year, which led to his unexpected offing.
Shady was the old McCoy for the second week in a row, knifing through the Pats D with obscene cutbacks. Dizzy Gillislee proved again to be a reliable backup with rare vision and speed, seemingly as smart as Karlos Williams is dumb. Reggie Bush must be burning somewhere, as he was inactive and soon to be unemployed.
Robert Woods and Charles Clay stepped up large with Sammy Watkins placed on IR and the Bills brass suffering from foot in mouth disease over his injuries. Now we fear the #1 WR may be gone for the year, a crushing blow to a still developing offense.
The Bills embattled offensive line, however, is bonding together as a unit and dominated the Patsies, smacking them upside the helmet in the run game and holding them at bay in the pass game, outside of a few blatant penalties by Richie Incognito.
New Offensive Coordinator and perhaps savior of the season, Anthony Lynn, simplified the blocking schemes, pass patterns and play calls, which instantly became much more sharp. On defense, Rex Ryan was cutting edge in his scheming, confusing and making sushi out of the Pats raw rookie QB, as Dennis Thurman called a near perfect game. The gutsy, hard hitting Bills defense went for the jugular, kept the cheaters out of the endzone and off the scoreboard, sending the fair weather, whiny Pats fans home all wet, starting as early as the third quarter.
The Brown Brothers again brought the pain and went for blood, with Zach having one of the best individual defensive performances in years and quickly named the AFC Defensive Player of the week. What can Brown do for you? How about 18 tackles, a few pressures, and a sack, plus forced two fumbles and one mental meltdown by Billkiller Belichick.
The Lorax sliced and diced through Patsy blockers and now has four sacks in as many outings. On one kickoff, Alexander picked up a 3-5-6 spare by clobbering one Patriot who took down another who took down the returner. Between Lorenzo and Zach Brown, Bills GM Doug Whaley found two gems off the street and on the cheap.
The Bills defensive backfield, who got into a shovefest before the game with a couple Pats waltzing through their warmups, had a couple close shaves but otherwise creamed the NE pass catchers. Jacqueline Brissett played like he had a tourniquet on his bad thumb and was completely ineffectual. Gronk stunk. Edelman the infidel was non-existent. Blount was traumatized. Chris Hogan was Chris Hogan, always open except on Sundays, and a non-factor outside of a 90 yard TD he nullified with two penalties on one play, no small feat.
Bellicheat was furious, and frankly, out coached by the Ryan Brothers, looking like he would commit Hari Kari and busting his Surface Tablet on a sideline table.
The thoroughly enjoyable Bills shut out was a shout out to the naysayers that the rumbling, bumbling, stumbling, fumbling Bills are back in the hunt and going for the kill.
And now this week is the game the denizens of the city of Less Anglos has been waiting for all year.
The Bills are going Hollywood this week to play the surprisingly 3-1 L.A. Rams. Busby’s will be insane for four straight days and maybe more, so if you’re going to the game, come on down to the madhouse on Santa Monica Thursday, Friday, and or Saturday as the suddenly razor sharp Bills carve up the Lams.
By Pete Rosen