Coming down to Miami, Buffalo Bills were riding high on their horse after a spectacular four game win streak and immediately took a whale sized dump in Hard as Rock Stadium.
In the old football winning strategy of “Run and stop the run” the Bills were Coke Zero.
On a tight hammy, Shady McCoy had a bunch of carries with no holes for zero yards. His counterpart Oh Jay Ajayi had about 200 carries for 2,000,000 yards. Ajayi looked like the second coming of Larry Csonka and consistently billdozed Buffalo defenders.
It was surprising the Bills didn’t lose by zero dark thirty.
The formerly good offensive line was less than zero. Normally top performing Cordy was Glenngarry Glenlost. Richie Incognito was nowhere to be found. Eric Wood was flaccid. John Miller Lite and Crying Jordan Mills got Cameron Wake up calls and then couldn’t handle Stupor Mario. The line opened few holes in the run game and left Tyrod Taylor running for his life the entire afternoon.
At WR, the hobbling Bills were left with trying to win in the fourth quarter with only Justin Hunter, Walt Powell and Reggie Bush, which amounts to zero legitimate NFL receivers. Injuries have knocked out our first, second, third, fourth, and fifth WR, something no team could withstand. Glass Goodwin was having a pretty good game until the dunderhead suffered another concussion just falling to the turf hard. He wasn’t even hit but suffered bumpus of the noggginous when his neck snapped back.
When Marquise Goodwin is your top receiver you know you are in trouble.
Tyrod Taylor had zero chance, even though many Bills fans are worried he’s just not the guy the team can afford to pay next year’s contract that has a lot of zeroes after the 27. TT made a couple gorgeous throws and just as many grotesque ones. But with no protection, no run game and no receivers, he had no options.
And the defense was worse.
Outside of Superman, Lorenzo Alexander, the entire Bills defense was repeatedly Sam Gashed. Ajayi broke six million tackles and several ankles.
In the second half, Ryan Tannehill totally forgot that he sucks and repeatedly tore apart the Bills secondary whenever he needed to.
Shaq Lawson was taken to the woodshed. Corbin Bryant played like Corbin Bernsen. Kyle Williams high motor needed repairs. Even Jerry Hughes did mostly zero.
At linebacker, the Brown Brothers were often blown up. In the defensive backfield, the alleged shut down corners need to shut up about it. On a long Kenny Lay Stills TD, two hapless Bills DB couldn’t find the ball in the air, and then decided to tackle each other and not Stills.
The Dolphins top receiver and repeated felon, Jarvis Dirty Landry, may have ended Aaron Williams’ career with one of the cheapest shots you’ll ever see. Crackheaded Landry’s crackback right to the head of a player with known neck injuries should have gotten him thrown out of the game, but instead only got a 15 yard penalty and $25,000 fine. Williams was briefly in the hospital and seriously considering retirement. Landry, and his subzero heart, is allowed to keep playing (dirty).
There is zero room in the league for plays like that.
And William’s replacement Robert Blanton got blatantly abused by Ajayi.
But now there is zero time to wallow in the crushing, embarrassing defeat. The Patsies are coming to The Lid with a vengeance after being thoroughly deflated by the Bills, sixteen to zero, in Foxboro in game four.
The Pats have their Fearless Cheater back at QB and the hothead has been on fire since his return from suspension for being a whiny lying prick.
After four comes zero, but the Bills can instantly right their season and regain the path to the playoffs with a W in Orchard Park this Sunday.
So come on down to Busby’s West for some adult drinks, free halftime wings, and the biggest win of the year. Maybe this century.
Some say the Bills have zero chance against the heavily favored Cheaters.
But after zero comes one.
By Pete Rosen