The resurgent 2011 Buffalo Bills thankfully entered their bye week still one of the NFL’s best and surprise teams with a 4-2 record. If the season ended today — an inarguably worthless, pointless hypothetical — the Bills would make the playoffs off the conference record tie-breaker. We mention it only because it makes us feel better about our team and ourselves for no good reason.
We’d also normally review last week’s game, but there was no game last week, and the previous week’s Giants game was easily forgettable. The Bills played good enough to win and bad enough to blow it. Ryan Fitzpatrick briefly lost his magic and his head, and threw 2 everyday 25 yard passes 5 yards too short for easy INTs — the last of which a potential game-winner. NFL officials waved more yellow flags at Drayton Florence than NASCAR officials, and New Jersey luckily snuck out of GetaLife Stadium with a 3 point win.
The Bills have lost their 2 games by a total of 2 field goals.
Unfortunately, the Bills have also now lost 2 games to QBs named Andy and Eli. This could be cause for panic but, thankfully, “Rex” went to the bench and the hospital this week, and the Redskins will start decently named, John Beck, who on his best day is a less than decent QB.
The 0-6 Dolphins didn’t want John Beck and the Dolphins signed J.P. Losman this week. The Bills, however, love John Beck, because we’re playing against him. He scares no one, even our woeful defense who give up more yards than The YardHouse beer joint in Long Beach on Friday night. The Skins may as well start the pop artist Beck, he of the aptly named breakthrough single, “Loser”.
Even though the Bills were off last week, and by insanely stupid new NFL rules couldn’t even come to the Ralph for four days in a row, it was an eventful off week — with unfortunately a lot of it off-putting.
In no order of relevance…
Shawne Merriman was IR’d and now lost for the season as he will require Achilles heel surgery. Injuries have been “Lights Out’s” achilles heel for four straight years, and in hindsight, the Bills front office needs brain surgery for signing him to not one but two ill-fated deals. The team has already paid him 7 mil for the last season and a half, which consisted of 5 games, 9 tackles, 1 sack and 1 hilarious border crossing. And Shawne of the Dead is guaranteed 3 mil more next year, even if he isn’t likely to play for us. Turn out the lights, the party’s over for Merriman and the Bills. It’s Tila Time.
The team’s other recent signee of largesse, Kyle Williams, is out for a couple more games with bone spurs. The team’s best DL can’t push off his foot, somewhat of a hindrance for a player whose biggest strength is his quickness pushing off his feet. The lingering injury has plagued and limited KW and the entire Bills D the entire season. KW will likely fight the pain all year as he tries to fight the power, which is bad news for a team that cannot stop anyone.
And dozens more of Ralph’s Millions are about to be spent on Ryan Fitzbenjamin. Reports are the Bills starting QB will finally be making more millions than his former classmates, as he will command about $10 mil per year. The longer the team sat on their butt, the more the agent rubbed his greedy hands in front of his face. But The Amish Wallet is likely worth it, and still on pace for a terrific season, as evidenced by stats and context from Bucky Gleason of the BuffNews…
“Fitzpatrick is 4th in completion percentage, 5th in TD passes, 7th in interceptions and 7th in passer rating… He is on pace for more than 3,938 yards and 32 TDs. Drew Brees and Peyton Manning were the only quarterbacks in the NFL who threw for more than 3,900 yards and 32 TDs last season. Tom Brady threw for exactly 3,900 yards and 36 TDs. Aaron Rogers threw for 3,922 yards and 28 TDs.”
That’s good stuff and stats.
On the injury front, the Bills were hoping to get Demetrius “Can’t Answer The” Bell, back but Deadbeat Malone’s kid isn’t expected off the trainer’s table. With Bell’s back-up also hobbling, LG Andy Levitre will play LT. Unfortunately, that means Levitre won’t play LG, where he has been one of the best interior linemen in the league this year.
In other Bills’ briefs, Antonio Coleman has returned to (not) play LB. Kelvin Sheppard will get most of the plays in place of Aging Davis. And C.J. will play WR for the short term and hopefully big play, until D.J., Donald Jones, is back.
This week, the Reeling Redskins come to town – well, state — I mean nation. Okay, so the Bills are the only team that places home games in another country. At least this year there is a spark, well, speck, of interest north of the Falls, as legions of bandwagouners are suddenly interested in the Bills because they won as many games in the first month as the Leafs do in a season.
The Redskins are hurting more than the Bills. RB Tim Hightower and WR Santana Moss are out. Rex Grossman just got out of the hospital. Chris Cooley is in the coolah. London Fletcher is falling. It may even be rough Torain for the Washington running backs against the poor-us Bills DL.
After a good bye week, the Bills hope to say goodbye to the taste in their mouth from 2 losses of 3 points in the last 3 outings. And get back on the winning track before they face the sucky lucky New Jersey Jests next week.
So come on down to Busby’s and say goodbye to the Redskins. It’s a late 1 pm start, so get there and start drinking early.