The NFL became the Winter Olympics last Sunday as the cold-blooded Buffalo Bills ultimately buried the Indianapolis Colts13- 7 in a sudden death overtime professional snowball fight.
And while the Bills still have a snowball’s chance in hell getting into the playoffs, now that the Bills’ snowball survived actual hell this week at Kissing Bridge Stadium, our holiday hopes have been renewed.
The Bills said “O’ Come All Ye Faithfull” to their fandom in the middle of an arctic Lake Effect blizzard and not only did they come, with good packing, but they left joyful and triumphant.
In 67 years of snow games no one could remember one with so much of the stuff. Colt players said after the game that the Bills fans were the best, which never happens. Ever.
The Fans had to game plan, execute and endure pain as much as the players for the first time in NFL history. In another first, there were plays that the diehards at the game couldn’t actually see through the whiteout, only ones at home or in sports bars could from different TV camera angles.
The official game tape coaches watch to prepare for upcoming opponents was actually deemed worthless this week for the teams playing the Colts and Bills because you couldn’t actually see the plays from the film.
Tre “Snow” White’s happy dance, from someone who had never played in snow before, embodied the pure joy that this game became. Incredibly, within minutes after the winter wonderland started, it went from this is friggin’ nuts to this is freakin’ fun!
The red color rush uniforms seemed festive and fitting. Bills OC Dennison, who has been red in the face the entire season for all his embarrassingly bad calls, said they actually helped Bills QBs to see receivers downfield.
Kelvin Benjamin dressed up as and played Santa and just towered over mere mortals to make two consecutive tree top catches in a row—the second of which was in the North Pole end zone—at least we think so—who really knew for sure—for the game’s first surprising score.
The Colts are a dome team that played in a snow globe and did all they could in the tough sledding. The Refs, caught in Ice Station Zebra, were surprisingly good outside of blowing a spearing penalty that knocked Nathan Peterman cold, batty, and into the NFL concussion protocol.
Enter Joe Webb—known more as a ST gunner, Punt team middlebacker, KR, Wildcat RB, WR, and that guy from Dragnet before NFL Quarterback—was forced into action and all he did was throw an OT haymaker to playmaker Deonte Thompson right on the money. DT made a sliding spectacular catch in a three foot drift, and, surprised as we were that he was still holding onto the ball, showed it to the refs before the play was over.
Shady McCoy played Bode Miller the entire game, with an improbable, incredible 156 yards rushing—468 feet—approximately how many cubic feet of snow was on the field. In OT, Shady broke through the line as if on a one horse open sleigh and from then on it was clear sledding to the goal line for the joyful and triumphant win.
And finally, it’s not worth it to ruin such a fun Snow Day by arguing over the punt call. Sure it was hitting on 18 in blackjack and winning the hand, so one could argue that it was a great call.
But it was a lousy call.
And so now the rancid stinking porpoises come to town, fresh off a surprising upset of The Patriot Act, which has worn increasingly thin lately.
Freeze the Fish!
So come on down to the madhouse on Santa Monica for some hot debate, cold beer, free wings, adult beverages, childish snark and some good holiday cheer as the Winter Olympics continue in Western New York.
The Bills’ snowball is rolling downhill, gaining speed, and building momentum. Out of the hunt and into the actual playoff picture.
So you’re sayin’ there’s a chance in hell.
By Pete Rosen
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